21 Jun

That’s Not a Cute Top…Are You Pregnant?

So you all know me by now.  I love to hamper on the fashion trends and break every little new one down into a tiny thread.  Some I like and some…well..not so much.

What I want to talk about here today though is this new wave of skinny women wearing these tops made for someone who is pregnant.  You know what I’m talking about.  They are like little halter tops around the shoulders and breasts and then they ruffle out around the midsection and belly.

Essentially they are like a big pleated shirt around the area you normally want to draw the least attention to…UNLESS YOU ARE PREGNANT!!

I’m not sure who came up with this idea as being the new thing for girls to wear but it started about 4-5 years ago.  Most of them have some nice little patterns and would otherwise look really cute.  And I get it…if you’re pregnant flaunt that belly baby! But anyone else trying to pull this look off is beyond me.

Here’s who I see wearing these things around town and out to the clubs

  1. Skinny girls (Hello!!  These make your small midsection look 3 times its normal size!!) WHY?
  2. Girls who are pregnant (OK again I get it and that’s ok…go for it) This is your time to shine!
  3. Fat girls (This makes your already highly noticeable jelly belly even more noticeable) WHY?
  4. Girls who already have an odd shape (like a hunched back..this just looks weird on you) WHY?

So skinny girls wear these things because they think it’s the cutest, latest, springy, summery trend and they have to be right on top of it no matte how fat it makes you look…you are IN this season! But honey honey honey!  You are already cute and thin and this top makes you look…well…either like your trying to hide something or like you have a stomach larger than your token fat friend.  Take it off and save it for when you get knocked up.

Pregnant ladies pretty much get a pass to wear anything they want.  For the next nine months they are carrying extra weight and deserve to do and wear whatever they want.  I do believe this may have been the original intention of this shirt.  To accentuate the beautiful baby belly that is to become as you progress through your trimesters.  YOU GO GIRL!

Fat girls trying to rock it freestyle.  Listen gals I know we all struggle with our weight…even me as perfect as I am but this shirt was not designed for you.  IT MAKES YOU LOOK FATTER!!  Big is beautiful and that’s why you’re trying to pull this off but I’m here to tell you it ain’t working out for you.

Lastly but certainly not the least we have the girls who have the odd shaped upper bodies wearing these tops.  Here’s the deal, you’re already a little bigger in the middle and we’ve already discussed the consequences of that but you also have a very odd shape and this style doesn’t do you any favors.

You’re back is hunched and you have those chicken legs trying to hold up an already top heavy frame.  So having the pooch around your belly just makes your shape appear that more odd.

Ladies please don’t take offense to this post if you are one of these people I’ve specificially pointed out.  It’s really nothing personal.  I’m sure you’re a beautiful person on the inside and have a loving and caring heart.  But do us all a favor and wear a cute top.

I’ve got a cute top…wanna borrow it?  (Warning…NSFW)

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