9 Jul

A Midsummer’s Nightmare

OK so it seems I’m always talking and making fun of those who cannot seem to get it that what was cool when you were in high back in the 1980’s isn’t cool at all not.  I’m talking about the doo rag.  The bandana thing that people wrap around their heads before they go out to dinner.


Obviously if you have hair loss due to some sort of tragic disease or medical treatment this post isn’t directed at you by any means.  Who this post is directed at is the bearishly overweight middle aged man that still attends Styx and Def Leppard concerts on an annual basis.  Sorry bro but those bands went out with the 80’s as well.


I’m talking about those guys who may or may not have motorcycles, who probably more than likely work in construction during the day and drink a 12 pack or of Coors Light every night.  He may also be the guy that still smoked cigarettes despite all of the Surgeon General’s warnings and the fact that his dad and mom both died of lung cancer.

Yeah this guy is more than likely sporting a skullet underneath his doo rag even though Billy Ray Cyrus coined the Kentucky Waterfall haircut some 20 years ago.  Yeah don’t tell his achey breaky heart that that business in the front party in the back look went out with the wind last century.  Besides, he’s holding on to every thread of hair he has left and his sun washed big haired girlfriend thinks it’s super sexy anyway.


There’s something to be said about the confidence of a man who stands in front of the mirror before leaving the trailer and ties one of these things on his head.  He must look at himself and “damn, I look Fn awesome!”.  I mean how else could you walk out of your house with a bandana tied around your head and think that anyone but yourself isn’t laughing?


But the blue collar worker isn’t the only one guilty of tying one of these on before hitting the town.  There’s the young dorky, awkward guys from high school that think this look will somehow add a tough look to them.  Maybe no one will cross them as they walk down the street to purchase a Mountain Dew and a Kit Kat.


Then you also have the redneck white kid who all of sudden decides he was born black in a white man’s body.  He starts talking all ghetto but with a twang while supporting the colors of his favorite LA street gang.  Or maybe he’s just wanting to be badass like some idiot in the Fast and Furious movies.  That look requires a little more attention to detail.  You’ve got to have all of the elements in line to truly qualify as wannabe black guy.

  1. White Tetorn or K Swiss tennis shoes.  Yes the whiter the better and preferably unlaced.
  2. The flat bill hat (when the do rag is not in use or under the cap).  The hat must still have the tags on it and it has to be from a ghetto baseball team that doesn’t have the money to fund a real team because of their ghetto heritage.  The Chicago Whitesox hat is a great example.
  3. The line beard.  We’ve all seen them coupled with all the other aforementioned attributes.

So the doo rag can be worn across many genres of poor white folk but they are equally as obnoxious when worn in public.  In my opinion the only person worth enough to be able to wear a doo and pull it off is my main man Willie Nelson.


So put that in your pipe and smoke it!



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